Cuts A Promo

by Tuesday Morning Wrestling

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Cuts A Promo features 18 tracks about wrestlers and celebrities trials & tribulations

credits

released June 18, 2016

Written & Recorded by Tuesday Morning Wrestling
Mixed, Mastered, & Produced by Garrett Finlay
Back cover photo by Janey Promo

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Tuesday Morning Wrestling Bangor, Maine

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Track Name: Lex Express
Lex Express

Lex Luger killed Miss Elizabeth
She died on the living room couch
He was making food in the microwave
Liz's favorite Salisbury steak
Lex came back in to give her a kiss
She was passed out covered in piss
Lex got scared Lex is dumb
He flushed the pills before he called 911

She took the Lex Express to her grave
So many drugs house looked like a rave
Ambulance showed up nothing they could do
Except plug their noses cause she smelled like poo
Cause she shit the bed it was Lex's fault
Should've known not to mix pills and alcohol
No charge for murder just for dope
But Lex got his with a spinal stroke

Never should've left your...
Never should've left your...
Never should've left your Macho Man!

Never should've left your...
Never should've left your...
Never should've left your Macho Man!

Never should've left your...
Never should've left your...
Never should've left your Macho Man!

Never should've left your...
Never should've left your...
Never should've left your Macho Man!
Track Name: Botched Vanity
Botched Vanity

Kenny Rogers
You gambled on your face
Should've folded
Your face is fucked!

Meg Ryan
You've got mail
This is what it said
Your face is fucked!

Tried to make yourself look beautiful
Now you look like an imbecile
Can't get any acting roles
Cause you're unrecognizable

Barbara Walters
Saw you on TV
This is our view
Your face is fucked!

Mickey Rourke
9 and a half weeks
For all that surgery
Your face is fucked!

Tried to make yourself look beautiful
Now you look like an imbecile
Can't get any acting roles
Cause you're unrecognizable

Your face is fucked!
Your face is fucked!
Your face is fucked!
Your face is fucked!
Track Name: Whoa!
Whoa!

Joey Lawrence WHOA!
Joey Lawrence WHOA!

When he was on Blossom
His career started to blossom
When you were on that show (Blossom!)
Your catchphrase was Whoa!

Joey Lawrence WHOA!
Joey Lawrence WHOA!
Joey Lawrence WHOA!
Joey Lawrence WHOA!
Joey Lawrence WHOA!
Joey Lawrence WHOA!
Track Name: Jimmy Snuka Heel Turn
Jimmy Snuka Heel Turn

Jimmy Snuka Superfly is the name
Jumped off a cage and he rose to fame
For a while everything was the tops
Until that night he had to call the cops
He had to tell them that she was dead
Tripped and fell and hit her head
Coroner had other ideas
Yet the case has gone unsolved for years
(...Until now...)

Evidence suggests Snuka went
/ POW POW POW POW Right in the face \
| POW POW POW POW Right in the face |
| POW POW POW POW Right in the face |
\ POW POW POW POW Right in the face (x2) /

Years later they reopened the file
Gathering new clues to go to trial
Just as always thought
Superfly did the spot
Jimmy Snuka is out roaming free
While the case is with the Grand Jury
He should be in a cage that he can't jump out of
Cause he's guilty no doubt about it

Evidence suggests Snuka went
/ POW POW POW POW Right in the face \
| POW POW POW POW Right in the face |
| POW POW POW POW Right in the face |
\ POW POW POW POW Right in the face (x2) /

And Superfly.....
Is in the Hall of Fame.....
Even though she died.....
And he is to blame..... (x2)

POW POW POW POW Right in the face
POW POW POW POW Right in the face
POW POW POW POW Right in the face
POW POW POW POW Right in the face
POW!
Track Name: the Mass Transit Incident
Mass Transit Incident

He was just 17
Sneaking into the wrestling scene
But no one took him seriously
They thought he was security
Since he was there with his highlight tape
Axl didn't show, Paul gave him the place
He had no idea what was in store
And he had never ever bled before

No Dad, I'm just one of the boys
We don't do that, Just one of the boys
But Mass Transit, Wasn't one of the boys

His family was in the front row
Mom, Dad, Sister, and Bro
He tried to call his spots out in the back
Said he wanted color so he asked New Jack
New Jack politely obliged
Cut that boy deep, He didn't specify
Then that little boy bled
Laying on a stretcher this is what he said...

No Dad, I'm just one of the boys
We don't do that, Just one of the boys
But Mass Transit, Wasn't one of the boys

He wasn't one of the boys
He wasn't one of the boys
He wasn't one of the boys
He wasn't one of the boys
Track Name: Died Doing What They Loved
Died Doing What They Loved

They died doing what they loved

Racing cars or being a big fat slob
Dale Earnhardt crashing on the track
John Candy having a midnight snack

They died doing what they loved

Crapping out or making smut
Elvis was a big fatso
Bob Crane bludgeoned by a dildo

They died doing what they loved

They died alone!

They died doing what they loved

Jerking off or partying with drugs
David Carridine was hanging himself
Chris Farley had foam coming out of his mouth

They died doing what they loved

Bad acting or going down the slopes
Brandon Lee died on a film set just like his dad
Sonny Bono hit a tree real bad

They died doing what they loved

They died alone!
Track Name: One Warrior Nation
One Warrior Nation

We loved it when you ran to the ring
You were our favorite in all of wrestling
We knew it when your music dropped
By the time you got to the ring you were blown up
Made us forget about Hulkamania
From Parts Unknown the Ultimate Warrior

Because you were into body building
You had a great look for wrestling
Fast tracked and put in the show
Early tag team partner was Sting
But soon for titles you'd be challenging
And his ego would grow

We loved it when you ran to the ring
You were our favorite in all of wrestling
We knew it when your music dropped
By the time you got to the ring you were blown up
Made us forget about Hulkamania
From Parts Unknown the Ultimate Warrior

First IC and Heavyweight Champion
Never took him more than 5 minutes to win
He was a superhero
When he was on the mic he was confusing
Rocket fuel stories enteraining
He could cut-a-promo

We loved it when you ran to the ring
You were our favorite in all of wrestling
We knew it when your music dropped
By the time you got to the ring you were blown up
Made us forget about Hulkamania
From Parts Unknown the Ultimate Warrior

When the Warrior got inducted we were flabbergasted
We never thought Vince would ask him
But he did
His final words they would last
But his heart collapsed
In front of his kids
Track Name: Croc Files
Croc Files

“Spoken word in the style of Steve Irwin”

Crocodile Hunter wasn't like Jane Goodall
She never touched the animals at all
Especially dangerous and poisonous fish
Crocodile Hunter was an arrogant bitch

Crocodile Hunter wasn't like Jane Goodall
She never touched the animals at all
Especially dangerous and poisonous fish
Crocodile Hunter was an arrogant bitch
Track Name: I Don't Want Your Life
I Don't Want Your Life

James Van Der Beek is so cool
James Van Der Beek is so cool
James Van Der Beek is so cool
That he plays himself

He started on Dawson's Creek
He started on Dawson's Creek
He started on Dawson's Creek
Now he plays himself

He did some stuff in-between
He did some stuff in-between
He did some stuff in-between
But it doesn't matter

James Van Der Beek is so cool
James Van Der Beek is so cool
James Van Der Beek is so cool
That he plays himself

I don't want your life
I don't want your life
I don't want your life
I don't want your life
I don't want your life
I don't want your life
Track Name: El Diablo
El Diablo

Bruiser Brody was stabbed to death in Puerto Rico
Now he's on his way to meet El Diablo
Bruiser Brody was stabbed to death in Puerto Rico
Now he's on his way to meet El Diablo

The day was over 100 degrees
Stadium was over capacity
And that's when Bruiser Brody
Went to the shower to collect his money
Masked Avenger was now in charge
So Bruiser wouldn't do the job
Cause “He didn't wanna make the man”
Avenger replied with a knife in his hand

Bruiser Brody was stabbed to death in Puerto Rico
Now he's on his way to meet El Diablo
Bruiser Brody was stabbed to death in Puerto Rico
Now he's on his way to meet El Diablo

Next there was a blood curdling scream
Tony Atlas was on the scene
Then he got Dutch Mantell
But Bruiser was halfway to Hell
They tried to get him an ambulance
But the crowd acted like a fence
Took them too long to get him outside
Blood bubbled out so he died

Bruiser Brody was stabbed to death in Puerto Rico
Now he's on his way to meet El Diablo
Bruiser Brody was stabbed to death in Puerto Rico
Now he's on his way to meet El Diablo

El Diablo
El Diablo
El Diablo
El Diablo
Track Name: Tracy Morgan Donor
Tracy Morgan Donor

Guess what? (What?)
You're on life support
In a coma
No clever retort
Hit by a truck
Injuries substantial
Even worse
Your brain got scrambled

Tracy Morgan Almost died
But now he's Paralyzed
And he is A bigot
And you know He deserved it

Tracy Morgan
Isn't dead
Walmart wishes
He was instead
Now they're saying
Should of worn his seat belt
And because he didn't
It was Tracy's fault

Tracy Morgan Almost died
But now he's Paralyzed
And he is A bigot
And you know He deserved it
Track Name: Taffers Applebees
Taffer's Applebees

Chef Ramsey
Hope you die
Heroin needles
In your eyes
Your critiques
Are bullshit
Take a look
Your establishment
For an English man
You really like U.S. cuisine

John Taffer
Hope you die
Your guts too big
You capitalist pig
Your face
I be slapping
Heart attack
Waiting to happen
Can't you see
You turn every place
into an Applebees!
Track Name: Jim Henson Tribute
The Jim Henson Tribute Song

Went to the library to learn your craft
Got your first job in no time fast
You built Kermit, starred on Sam & Friends
This is where the story begins

You might have made us but we're glad your gone
You might have made us but we're glad your gone
You might have made us but we're glad your gone
Now you can't put your hand up our asses

You might have made us but we're glad your gone
You might have made us but we're glad your gone
You might have made us but we're glad your gone
Now you can't put your hand up our asses

Without Jim there's no Sesame Street
And the Labrynth creations were so unique
Puppeteering rules compared to CGI
Which has taken over since the day Jim died

You might have made us but we're glad your gone
You might have made us but we're glad your gone
You might have made us but we're glad your gone
Now you can't put your hand up our asses

You might have made us but we're glad your gone
You might have made us but we're glad your gone
You might have made us but we're glad your gone
Now you can't put your hand up our asses
Track Name: Golden State Blues
Golden State Blues

His coach asked him
To put a little mustard on it
He took offense to that
Said keep your distance
His coach approached him
So Latrell threatened his life

Sprewell grabbed his coach
Gave him a beating
Without remorse
Choked him from behind
Went to the showers
Came back out and punched him in the face

Latrell Sprewell
Latrell Sprewell
Latrell Sprewell
Choked his coach!
Track Name: What Dreams May Come?
What Dreams May Come

Robin Williams there's always gonna be a job for you
You can wear that orange smock, work at the Home Depot
Minimum wage to mix some paint
Don't need no machine to mix that paint
Robin Williams there's always gonna be a job for you
You could always go back and work at that photo booth
Shaking dry photos in the Dark Room
You didn't have to go to an early tomb

Robin Williams, Your time is through
No one was ever gonna hire you
And I only really liked your final joke
That one where you were at the end of your rope
HA HA - OHHHHHHH
HA HA, HA HA - OHHHHHHH
Robin Williams, people say you died too soon
and Patch Adams won't make another balloon...
ANIMAL-IMAL-IMAL-IMAL-IMAL
Track Name: Frienship Village Retirement Match
Friendship Village Retirement Match

Verne Gagne
One last victory
As he body slams his roommate to the floor
Broken hip is how he died
Verne was charged with a homicide
For body slamming his roommate to the floor

Collegiate superstar
AWA father
16 time world champion
Behind Hogan's resurrection

The problem was he only pushed himself
Top talent left for somewhere else
Asked Iron Sheik to break some legs
Beginning of the end for Verne Gagne

Verne Gagne
One last victory
As he body slams his roommate to the floor
Broken hip is how he died
Verne was charged with a homicide
For body slamming his roommate to the floor

Collegiate superstar
AWA father
16 time world champion
Behind Hogan's resurrection

The problem was he didn't keep up with the times
Ripped off superstars of their merchandise
City took his house by Emminent Domain
Was the end of the Verne Gagne reign

Verne Gagne
One last victory
As he body slams his roommate to the floor
Broken hip is how he died
Verne was charged with a homicide
For body slamming his roommate to the floor
Track Name: Your Dads A Sally
Your Dad's A Sally

Your Dad's a Sally, and I saw him buying flowers
Your Dad's a Sally, and I seen him burning candles
Your Dad's a Sally, and he weras bikini briefs
Your Dad's a Sally, and he wears fucking sandals

Your Dad's a Sally, and I seen him wearing salmon
Your Dad's a Sally, and I seen him spray tanning
Your Dad's a Sally, and I saw him getting botox
Your Dad's a Sally, and I think he fucking sucks

Your Dad's a Sally, and he's been using Just For Men
Your Dad's a Sally, and he's getting hair plugs again
Your Dad's a Sally, and he likes to eat soy beans
Your Dad's a Sally, and he wears apple bottom jeans

Your Dad's a Sally, and I seen him buying Tampax
Your Dad's a Sally, cause I seen him eating Tic Tacs
Your Dad's a Sally, and I saw him drinking O'Douls
Your Dad's a Sally, and he's a fucking tool

Your Dad's a Sally, and he buys lottery tickets
Your Dad's a Sally, and he watches Nash Bridges
Your Dad's a Sally, and he can't change a spare
Your Dad's a Sally, and he's a fucking square

Your Dad's a Sally, and he wears fucking sandals
Your Dad's a Sally, and I think he fucking sucks
Your Dad's a Sally, and he wears apple bottom jeans
Your Dad's a Sally, and he's a fucking tool
Your Dad's a Sally, and he's a fucking square

Your Dad is a SALLY!!!!!!!
Track Name: DNF
DNF

Be on red alert, He comes Tony Stewart
Now your in the dirt, Cause of Tony Stewart
He didn't get arrested, Cause he's a Nascar legend
He didn't get questioned, Cause he's a Nascar legend

Kevin Ward had bad depth perception
He didn't see Tony coming
I bet if he could take it anything back
He wouldn't have got out on the track
He was just going to give Tony some crap
But got drug about a quarter lap
Cause his wonky eye got him in trouble
Now everyone's at his funeral

Be on red alert, He comes Tony Stewart
Now your in the dirt, Cause of Tony Stewart
He didn't get arrested, Cause he's a Nascar legend
He didn't get questioned, Cause he's a Nascar legend

Tony Stewart was hungry for checkers
Put Kevin's car on a wrecker
He was going for the purse
Ended up doing something worse
Flag went from yellow to red
Kevin Ward he was dead
Sped up when he should have been slowing
Now Kevin's helping daisies growing

Be on red alert, He comes Tony Stewart
Now your in the dirt, Cause of Tony Stewart
He didn't get arrested, Cause he's a Nascar legend
He didn't get questioned, Cause he's a Nascar legend

“Spoken word in the style of Tony Stewart”

Be on red alert, He comes Tony Stewart
Now your in the dirt, Cause of Tony Stewart
He didn't get arrested, Cause he's a Nascar legend
He didn't get questioned, Cause he's a Nascar legend